Throughout our history, women have been relegated to a fixed status — to serve the pleasures of men. From child-bearing to home caretakers, and, now, as sexual objects for the eyes of men.
Throughout our history, women have been relegated to a fixed status — to serve the pleasures of men. From child-bearing to home caretakers, and, now, as sexual objects for the eyes of men.
The acts of objectifying and stereotyping women have always been embedded in our society. As such, women have been fighting for their rights for years: from the right to suffrage to the right to work with equal compensation. Now women also have to fight for a safe space.
Patriarchy, which is a system that was built to serve men, has shaped our society. Our beliefs, culture, and education have instilled the tenets of patriarchy in our minds and hearts.
This is the sad state of our current society. Despite how far women empowerment has gone, the fight is not over yet. The fight for a safe space for all genders continues. We still have to fight for a world that is free from abuse or harassment, for a world where consent is present.
As the fight rages on against violence against women, harassment and abuse still persist.
Although there are many allies helping out and large movements being made against toxic masculinity, a lot of people are still afraid to speak out on violence against women. From the norms that were set by the older generations to victim-blaming, reasons why this is so vary. We forget that sometimes it is the people we trust who will ultimately betray and hurt us.
In light of this society built around victim-blaming and placing women on trial, we take this opportunity to show you how our society treats women. At the same time, we are giving women a platform to speak out about the abuses they have experienced.
We have gathered several statements from women based on their first-hand experiences of mental, physical, and psychological abuses. They have long kept these stories to themselves. Thankfully, through the efforts of the SBCA-SOL HRC Women and Children’s Desk, they gained the courage to come out, willingly share their personal stories, and let others know that they are not alone.
Public Streets
Women everywhere cannot walk peacefully along public streets without being catcalled, whistled on, touched, or groped without consent. This happens so frequently that it has been normalized and often shrugged off as a joke. Harassment, especially in public, affects women physically, mentally, and emotionally. When women fight back, they are labeled as aggressive. They are called names. Read on for some accounts on how women are treated on the streets, in public vehicles, or by people they trust:
TRIGGER WARNING CONTAINS STORIES OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT BELOW!!!!
Unwelcomed remarks
Sa Alabang kasi madalas. Alam mo naman laging madaming tambay o kaya pag may makakasalubong
Actually nung una natatakot ako
(In Alabang, there would always be bystanders. I was actually scared at first.)
Kaso nung tumagal nasanay ako tapos naging matapang
Naalala ko sa BF homes may kasama ako nun taga beda din si ate.
(But, after a while, I learned to be braver. I remember when I was at a private subdivision with a friend from school)
Naglakad kami from a laundromat hanggang milk tea shop kasi nagkekwentuhan kami gabi na
Nagpalaundry kami tapos naisip namin mag milktea
(We were sharing stories as we were walking from the laundromat and thought of getting a drink from the milk tea shop nearby)
May grupo ng mga lalake na lasing. Mga maaayos naman. Nalimutan ko anong shop yun. Basta nagcat call
Tapos tiningnan ko. Tapos hindi pa tumigil
(There was a group of drunk men who looked decent. However, they started catcalling me. And so, I looked at them to see if they would stop. They did not)
Edi huminto ako maglakad
Si ate na kasama ko, pinipigilan ako
Eh ako bwisit nun. Nilapitan ko. So kunware taga dun ako.
(I stopped walking so that I could talk to them. My friend tried stopping me. but I was really pissed off. I went to them and acted like I was a resident of the subdivision)
Me: taga-dito ka ba?
Dayo ka lang ata dito baka di mo ako nakikilala.
So yung kasama nya na mga lalake rin natakot
(I asked if they were from here and said that they were just visitors who might not even know me. The guy and his friends were startled)
Kasi baka nga kilala ako na taga dun ako
Nagsorry sila. Hindi daw sila taga dun. Pagpasensyahan na daw kasi naka inom
(In my worry that they may know where I actually lived and follow me, I acted against their catcalling. They apologized and told me that they were indeed visitors of the place)
When women are walking alone, they are more vulnerable to assault. Imagine simply minding your business, thinking what time you will get home, and then this happens:
Way home
I was walking home kasi from work, I usually ride the jeep pero sabi ko maglalakad ako. So I walked then dun sa place na di masyado ko dinadaanan. May nakasabay ako na guy siguro almost a feet apart yung layo namin then nakakaramdam na ako ng something. He was reaching for his shirt nun then kala ko wala lang then he pulled down his shorts then ayun. I looked the other way tas nagmadali ako naglakad. Yung effect naman medj na-trauma ako ng slight kasi first time ko yun na-experience and wala kasi ako kasabay nun nung nangyari yun. Kaya after that para kapag may didikit sakin natatakot na ako. But eventually naging okay naman after
(I usually ride the jeep from work when I go home. However, during that one time, I opted to walk. I passed through a street I did not usually take. While there, I noticed a guy who was walking a few feet away from me. I saw that he was reaching for his shirt—which I did not mind—when he suddenly pulled down his shorts. I looked away from him and quickly made my way out of that street. I was traumatized by that experience. That was the first time something like that happened to me and there was no one else with me then. After that, I get a little anxious whenever somebody is going near me, but, eventually, I become okay.)
In line with our culture of victim-blaming, others will question the woman—why were you walking alone at night when you could have taken a jeep or a van going home to be safe? There are times when even commuting is not a safe choice. Sexual harassment frequently happens in public utility vehicles as well. There are men who have the nerve to harass women in plain-view of a lot of people. Even then, it will be the woman’s fault because of society’s backward thinking on clothing:
Pervert in the Van
Hinipuan ako sa van. Sumigaw ako na manyak katabi ko. Dinala kami sa presinto.
(I experienced unwanted touching in a van by a guy. I screamed that he was a pervert, and we were brought to the police station)
Guess what sinabi nung isang pulis sakin? Kaya naman daw pala ko naganon kasi ang "sexy" ko. Naka school uniform ako
(Can you guess what the police officer told me? He said that the reason I was touched was because of how “sexy” I looked at the time. I was wearing a school uniform)
Kasalanan ko pala na pencil skirt uniform ko.
(They made it look like it was my fault I was wearing a pencil skirt as part of my school uniform)
Policemen are the lawful authorities who are supposed to protect you. Unfortunately, in this story and countless others, they are the ones who cause further harm by blaming you. This is in spite of the fact that we now have Republic Act No. 11313 or the ‘Safe Space Act’. This law is supposed to penalize any form of sexual harassment such as but not limited to catcalling, wolf-whistling, misogynistic and homophobic slurs, unwanted sexual advances, and other forms of sexual harassment in public places, workplaces, schools. Online spaces are also included in this law. Has anything changed?
Under Safe Space Act, the Metro Manila Development Authority (MMDA), the local units of the Philippine National Police (PNP), and the Women and Children’s Protection Desk (WCPD) of the PNP shall have the authority to apprehend perpetrators committing sexual harassment. We should demand the authorities to implement the law and throw out such backward thinking of victim-blaming within their ranks.
TRIGGER WARNING THE STORIES BELOW ARE DISTURBING!!!
In the midst of this pandemic, we are actually experiencing another crisis aside from the virus that brings Covid-19. There has been a great increase in domestic abuse cases in family homes. This is a very serious issue that should also be widely addressed and given more urgency. Spreading awareness and demanding laws to protect the rights of victims of abuse should be emphasized even more at this time where. Restrictions that have been established to keep us safe and prevent the spread of the pandemic increased the rate of violence in homes. With so many people having nowhere to go, lockdowns and quarantine measures just made this issue more severe and dangerous.
Abusive relationship
1. Yung tita ko kasi parehas sila ma-pera ng asawa niya kasi both lawyers. So yung husband niya kinakaya lang siya. Lagi sila nag-aaway kasi nga masyadong nagc-control yung asawa niya kasi mas malaki sweldo. Tapos may isa silang grabe na away to the point na natanggal yung kuko ng tita ko after siya i-tulak. Yung na yung nagtrigger sa kanya na magfile ng annulment. Idk kung ano yung ground ng annulment pero hiwalay na sila ngayon.
(My aunt and uncle are both successful lawyers. However, my uncle would often treat my aunt differently because he earns more than her. They would fight a lot because of this. During one of their fights, my aunt lost a fingernail after she was hit. This was her breaking point to file for an annulment.)
Violence like this happens within a family. It is situations like this that make women all over the world clamor for better protection against the male perpetrators of the crimes against them. Abuses and harassment are not just limited to spouses. Even those who are only dating or are in a romantic relationship without the benefit of marriage experience assault. In these cases, men sometimes use tricks or substances to get their way with women.
TRIGGWER WARNING
Intoxication
Gumamit siya ng drugs para mabaliw and pumayag ako magsex sa kanya. I think modus niya un. I was 23 that time and he was 32. Sh*t ruined my life. Take note di pa ako nagnanarcotic drugs.
(He used drugs on me so that I would have sexual intercourse with him. I think that was his trick to get girls to have sex with him. I was 23-years-old and he was 32 that time. Sh*t ruined my life. Take note, I had never tried narcotic drugs before.)
Sobrang hard path pero i think im healed.
All this time sobrang nabaliw ako sa kanya. But when i got older, narealize ko modus niya un para pumayag ako lagi makipagsex sa kanya
(All this time, I was so crazy about him. But when I got older, I realized he his trick of drugging me so that I would always have sex with him.)
Kala ko “love” pero fck
Sobrang manipulative niya
(I thought it was love but he was really manipulative)
It really changed me
I lost weight before eh dahil dun. I got depressed talaga
(This experience changed me. I lost weight because of that, and I fell into a severe depression)
I wanted to sue to be honest. Pero sabi nila wag na kase it’ll be on my record. (But my friends told me to opt not to because it would appear on my record.)
He was married by the way.
I think kaya he resulted to drugs kase feel niya di ko siya papatulan kase married siya. Tas nabaliw ako sa kanya dahil sa mga pinaggagawa niya with the drugs.
(I think he tricked girls into taking drugs because he didn’t think that any girl would want to sleep with him. That’s when I felt mad, because of all the drugs he had given me)
manipulative son of a b*tch
May times na bigla na lang ako tatahimik before. Kahit last year. Di pa ako masyado healed nun. I think 2020 was the year na tanggap ko na and i had to get on w my life
(There were times that I would go silent. Even last year. That was because I hadn’t healed from what he did to me. I think 2020 was the year I decided to just accept the past and move on with my life.)
He ruined my life
Naopsital pa ako nyan
Bago graduation ko dapat stay ako ospital 1 week
(I got hospitalized before my college graduation and was advised to be admitted for a week)
Had vertigo din for a while kase i think nafuck up katawan ko sa wari and other drugs he was making me take. Bali ginogood time niya talaga ako
(I also had vertigo because of the drugs he was making me take)
Actually after this medyo may galit na din ako sa mga lalaki eh. (Actually after this, I have grown to hate men)
I'm willing to talk about this. I’ve always wanted to let my voice be heard.)
Abuse like this happens all the time. It is not just limited to physical violence. It can also be manifested through emotional, mental, and other forms of abuse. This pandemic forced us to be in isolation with people who hurt us, to always be under their constant surveillance.
What should we do?
The law-making bodies of our government have passed numerous statutes that protect women and children against these perpetrators. Nevertheless, abuse persists in this conduct of harassing men and women in general.
Sexual abuse and harassment may take several forms, and may come from different sources. It happens in all sorts of venues, such as those committed in public transportation by drivers against female or male passengers, in the workplace, in cyberspace through social media, and especially in the public streets.
These facts are real issues. Amendments on our current laws should be done to reflect the current situation of our society. The advancement on technology has also resulted to new devious ways of harassing women. An example of this is how photos of women are being edited using current photo editing apps to make them appear nude. Another example is the serious and very concerning advancement on deep fake technology wherein photos of any women can be edited into pornographic videos.
Read more:
Even during this pandemic sexual harassers, perverts, pedophiles, and the likes have turn to the internet to exploit women, including children. Online sexual exploitation of children has alarmingly rose during this pandemic. Taking advantage of women's innocence or economic vulnerability this sexual predators has been flourishing.
Read more: https://www.rappler.com/newsbreak/iq/things-to-know-online-sexual-exploitation-children-philippines
A greater attention should be given by the government towards this issue of abuse and harassment. We should demand a better mechanism to assist or respond to women who are victims of abuse. A mechanism that reflects our current situation and one that is made accessible to each and every one of us. It is a matter of life and death.
While we should demand from the government to respond we should also do something as individual citizens if we want a safe space for all. Here are some few things that comes to our mind:
Call out your friends who still cling to sexism or discrimination.
If you are a man never tolerate your male friends when it comes to violence, harassment, abuse or sexism/discrimination.
Stop victim blaming remember its always the perverts fault!!!
Practice asking consent for literally anything.
Stop those that contribute to rape culture.
It is everyone’s right to be able to ride on the road and walk the street without being harassed. No one deserves to feel worried for their own safety. As violence continues to be unabated, it is important to double our efforts in eradicating this affront to human rights. It is evident that abuse does not choose a specific place, gender or status in life. Whatever form it may take or from whatever source it may come, no one can argue that it is still called ABUSE.
We must put an end to it NOW.
We, the younger generation, have the duty to recalibrate our society and throw out the system that was built to serve men’s fantasies. For the younger generation, and the generations that are yet to come.
We also request the readers to see this Rappler special on online violence against women.
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